I live by one adage: "do the best you can." This is something that my dad always told me growing up. He never pushed me to be the best, but simply to do the best I could. He was never dissapointed with me if I failed at something as long as I gave it all I had. I've always tried to keep this in mind and apply it daily. I have to admit, as a perfectionist, it is a struggle to accept this. I have always wanted to succeed at everything, but I realize that I am not perfect. In fact, far from it. But, I do the best I can and that is okay.
You know what is my best is sometimes? It's not always putting the dishes away, it's leaving clean clothes in laundry baskets for a week, it's having a mess on my counter 95% of the time, it's letting hot wheels and other toys set on the floor. I hate to admit that, but I really do the best I can and at the end of the day, I am just too exhausted to fret over somethings. Most of the time I opt to relax and pick up a book or catch up on my tv shows. Wow, that makes me sound almost lazy. Well, it's not that, but if you read my previous post about my schedule, it's hectic to say the least. Managing a household, being a wife and a mom to two very active boys, working 40+ hours a week leaves very little "me" time. In between working and everything else I somehow have to find time do laundry, dishes, pay bills, keep up the house; I often use the evening time I have to just relax.
I often feel like perhaps I have two personalities or maybe it's the angel/devil thing on my shoulders. However you put it, I struggle with how I feel I "should" do things and how I actually do them. The should usually comes to mind when I think of how my mom would have done it or how others do things. Not to say that the way my mom did things was wrong, but she really was anal about housekeeping. I just simply do not have the energy to be super woman, and I really am not trying to fool anyone. I laugh when I see those Electrolux commercials with Kelly what's her name flying around the house like she is Samantha from Bewitched. I am gonna say it, that's total bull shit! I wish that buying fancy, expensive appliances could make me a perfect mom and everything, but I am not buying it, not for one minute.
So, yeah, I have one side of me who is an excellent organizer and total neat freak and then I have the other side that is not so much. In fact, that otherside of me tends to be more like a tornado than anything. When I am working on something I tend to make disasters, just ask anybody I work with. I have told my boss that if you ever see my desk clean, it's then that you should worry, because I probably have nothing to do. People tend to get a little worried when I start to clean because I go all out. I don't do anything "half assed" as my mom would have put it. I either do it right or don't do it at all. I think that's how I justify it. I think that I mentioned my tendancies of the mouse in "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie"... I will be doing one thing and end up scrubbing the floors and the walls, and the whole bit. To tell you the truth, that's pretty exhausting, so I usually avoid openning that can of worms.
I am not sure how I got off on this tangent, but I had this thought tonight (as I was putting my son to bed and trying to get out of his room with out tripping on his Thomas track or breaking one of his trains) about doing the best I could, and I think honestly, I do the best I can at life. And the best that I can is not anyone else's best, but mine alone. I do the best I can to keep sane and not be the crazy mommy which I feel like I am more often these days.
Thinking about it, I am probably too hard on myself. To recap the day, I woke up and took care of one sick and one well kiddo. Fed them, got them dressed, did several loads of laundry, folded them (and yes, put them away!), cleaned up one kid's room, showered, got ready for work, fed the kids lunch, ate and then went to work (at 12:30), worked until 5, came home did some of the same stuff again (ie: taking care of kids), made dinner, finished the laundry, brushed teeth, put kids to bed, and took a break to write this, after I am done I will help get the new toilet installed and install baseboards, and formulate a plan to get the vanity inside. Which means it will probably be a late night. Then we will start all over tomorrow. Did I ever mention that I sometimes feel like I live in the movie Grounghog Day? Well, I do!
Anyhow, enough on this rant, my hubby is back from the hardware store with the goodies we need to press on. So, I best go help! Night!
