I am wondering when I lost my imagination? I just got finished watching Finding Neverland for the first time and just about half way through I started to realize that I was no better than the stodgy old grandmother in the movie. I mean really, I spend more time yelling at the kids for running around the house than I do anything else (or it seems this way). What I hadn't realized until just tonight was that somewhere along the way I have lost my childlike sense of imagination. What seems like noise and ruckus to my husband and I is probably some wonderful world to my kids and I scream at them. I know that that it's mostly because I am like "don't throw that you will break something" or "don't do that you will get hurt". So, I suppose some of the intervention is necessary to keep the kids in tact and the house as well. But, I really am mourning the loss of my childhood.
No, this is not one of those "Oh my God, I am an adult, I am a parent!" things. This is a "where did my sense of wonder and fun go to?!" kinds of things. I remember when I was growing up that I could play for hours with dolls and make up stories and make believe it was all real. I could be in the bushes in a friend's backyard and we would be lost in a jungle, or in the pool on a raft but really out to sea... I am now remembering all the wonderful times I had when I was young and how I cherish these moments. I had been so preoccupied for so long with growing up and then finally got here and it is not all it is cut out to be! How I wish I could be carefree as a child and spend hours making up a world around me and playing so light heartedly. Sigh, it hurts that I have lost this part of me. I know that may sound silly, but my new goal is to try to find that part of me again. To look for the lighter side of life. To not feel that constant feel in my gut--hunger, anxiety, whatever it is it has got to go!
I am going to spend more time immersing myself in my children's world and spend less time trying to make them live in mine. It occurred to me that I am so busy taking care of things around the house that I do not spend enough time on their level--that is, the floor. When I helped my son put together his train track the other night, I could see the joy in his eyes that I was there. Sure, I read to him, color with him, watch cartoons with him, but to get down on the floor and play is a whole other world. I want to spend more time in their world, I think. Of course, I will have to keep things going around here in the grown up world, but maybe, just maybe I can find a different way of doing things and make chores into fun. Reminds me a Merry Poppins, and old favorite of mine from way back. I think it is time to dig out the classics and remind myself of my youth and try to share that with my children.
This really is random, but I am sure glad that I figured out this too late! I would much rather be Merry Poppins or the fairy godmother or any number of other story book characters than I would me right now. So, this is my firm resolution: To find more fun in everyday life and to help other find it too. We'll see where this takes us.
That's all, goodnight!
